This one will be intense so make sure you are reading this as quickly as possible, because I am writing it as fast as thoughts can be transferred from mind to paper. This won’t last long but it will shock you or it might not even be able to do that, we will see. Just make sure you are reading it fast. Don’t stop, let the coffee cup be there as it is, let the phone ring. For now all you do is read.
Life. It’s a miracle how words, simple combination of alphabets contain so much meaning behind them. You, whoever you are whatever inspires you, you there sitting on your computer desk absorbing the words as they come, everything you are and you ever will be, all your memories and your relations, the food you love and the movies you watch. The people you hate, your dreams and ambitions, everything is defined by this one word. Life. Your life.
There, one little distraction and it all comes crashing down. The flow of thoughts now stands disturbed. One little mix up and it is now entirely a different thing, it’s not pure, and the thoughts got corrupted the moment you let someone else peek into your mind. That little Skype notification blinking again and again, begging for attention, it alone was enough to change tracks of all that was being said. What was being said? Oh yes how a single word can define everything you are. Strange isn’t it? How we all are living our own story lines and yet how similar we really are. It is like an endless routine, one day comes another goes. As Chuck Palahniuk said “this is your life and it is ending one minute at a time”.
The thing is there is nothing that can stop this, we are a constant time bomb, ticking towards an inevitable end but what are you going to do about it? Your life is a constant reminder of this, one minute you are here and the next gone. Blank as if you never existed on the canvas of the earth, your storyline ends here. So what are you going to do about it?
You wake up to the sound of the alarm clock, its 7:45AM the same time you woke up yesterday and the day before that and the one before that. You are awake but still in bed, lazy to move or maybe a bit tired still, tired of diving back into the same endless loop. What you don’t know is that the minute you are awake the loop has started. There is no escaping, there never was. Only one way to break free, but more on that later. It’s about to get intense, you can feel it can’t you? You wake up and get naked, you poop, doesn’t matter if you are the fat average fuck or the next super star you just poop. Shower is up next, the cold water blasts you out of the sleep cycle, you rub your skin feeling every inch of it. Time won’t allow playing so you just get out and get ready. You pick the same old pair of socks, you give it a quick smell to check if it’s still wearable, it still is. You look at the watch. Time is ticking away, the constant reminder of the bomb about to set off. It’s a dream state, you grab the apple take a bite and next thing you are in the office. Sitting there on your work desk, looking at the same tasks you have been looking at since forever. You talk to the colleagues, you goof around, you bitch, and you get some work done and then the next thing you know it’s time to go home. It is all happening on its own, it’s a set piece of code being executed over and over again, and nothing much you can do about it. What are you going to do? You don’t even realize 25 years have passed and the same rotten piece of code is still ruling over you. Your life. Remember? The word that defines you is now controlled by one shitty piece of code. Who wrote the code? No one knows. We like to think it is God, but that is not true. After all the code God wrote can’t be shitty. Yours? It is.
You reach home, you are tired. Maybe a bit horny too. Dinner is already on the table, you share some laughs with the family and go to bed. You are all alone. Here in this dark room where the mirror can’t see who you really are. You browse for porn, or message a friend. You get naughty and give yourself a rub. You look for others on the internet. A viscous cycle it is. The clock strikes again, its 2:00AM. You are rock hard now. You send a kinky message to a dear friend, she hates you for it, you apologize. Finally someone responded to your sex message from that website. A random virtual being several miles away or maybe someone right next door. You will never know. You two start talking dirty, lying about your bodies and sharing your darkest kinks. Strange isn’t it? You are sharing your deepest darkest desires with someone you will never even see. You start playing with yourself. You masturbate, thinking of this virtual stranger, thinking about that hot girl from office you are too shy to speak to. In a flash you explode, the sperm is all over the place, you wipe it with a tissue. You look at a picture, it reminds you of someone. Maybe of who you once were or maybe of what you could have been. Lost in memories of the past. The past where only the dead can live and amongst them you are trying to live too. Are you really alive? You start crying. A stream of tears flowing through, you masturbate one more time. This time crying along. Your eyes are finally growing weary. Memories start flooding in. Not of the past, but the future. Memories you would like to construct, but can’t in reality. The clock strikes 4:00AM it gets a little darker. Your think of her, one final time. You are asleep.
Wake up. It’s 7:45AM. The same time you woke up yesterday and the day before that and the one before that. You are back in the loop, only today you decide to finally break it. What was the way to end this loop? Oh yes. One simple rule, one simple word that can end it all. After all it was one word that got this loop started. No complex interpretations, nothing exciting like life, yet immensely powerful. There is just one problem, the absurdity behind breaking free from this loop. Once you step out there is no coming back. It’s absurd, but that is how it is. You have figured it out already haven’t you? The word is…
Image Credits: Esha Saiyed